Understanding Your Child’s Love Language
I can’t count the number of times I’ve asked a student who just said, “No one cares about me,” if they believe their parent loves them. And you know what I hear more times than I’d like? A soft, unsure “I don’t know” or a straight-up “No.”
Now, like most adults, I usually rush in with all the ways that should scream love. “Do you get lunch money? School supplies? Do they cook for you?” Those are big sacrifices, especially here in our corner of the world where money doesn’t come easy. And yes—those things do come from love.
But here’s the thing I’ve learned: it doesn’t matter what we think should count as love. What matters is what that child feels.
If we’re not speaking our children’s love language, then they might never feel the love we’re trying so hard to give.
Every Child Feels Loved Differently
Just like us grown folks, every child has a unique way they feel love. For some, it’s in a warm hug. For others, it’s the time we spend just being present. When you figure out how your child receives love, it changes everything.
Dr. Gary Chapman, a counselor and author, introduced us to this idea of The Five Love Languages. And let me tell you, it’s a game-changer in parenting.
Let’s walk through these love languages, one by one. And I’ll show you how you can bring them into your everyday life, without needing anything fancy or expensive.
1. Words of Affirmation
Say it out loud: “I love you.”
It might feel weird at first, especially if you didn’t grow up hearing those words. But for some kids, words matter most. It’s not just what you say—it’s what they hear in those little moments that lets them know they matter.
Try Using It:
- Tell your child, “I’m proud of you” when they try their best.
- Say “I love you” every single day, even after a rough one.
- Leave notes in their lunch bag or pencil case.
- Praise their effort: “I saw how focused you were during homework. I’m proud of that.”
2. Acts of Service
Help when and where you can.
This one’s delicate because we want to raise responsible kids too. But for some children, your willingness to do something for them is how they feel your love most clearly.
Try Using It:
- Tie their shoes without waiting to be asked.
- Carry their school bag when they’re tired.
- Surprise them with their favorite meal.
- Wash their uniform or clean their shoes before they even think to ask.
3. Receiving Gifts
It’s not the price. It’s the thought.
I know. Things are tight. But this love language isn’t about money—it’s about the message behind the gift. “I thought of you. I wanted you to have this.”
Try Using It:
- Bring home their favorite fruit from the market.
- Make a simple drawing and say, “This made me think of you.”
- Pick a pretty rock or flower and gift it with a smile.
- Celebrate small wins with a little treat like ice cream.
4. Quality Time
Be present. Just be there.
Time is one of the most precious things we can give. Some children feel loved just by having your full attention, even for a few minutes.
Try Using It:
- Put your phone away and ask about their day.
- Sit with them before bedtime and read a story.
- Take them on a short walk and let them lead the conversation.
- Play a game or colour together—no distractions.
5. Physical Touch
Hugs speak louder than words.
Touch can be powerful. A hug, a pat on the back, even sitting close—these small gestures can flood a child with comfort and belonging.
Try Using It:
- Hug them often.
- Hold their hand while walking to school.
- Give high-fives or gentle back rubs.
- Let them sit close during movie night.
How to Figure Out Your Child’s Love Language
Not sure which one your child connects with most? Try them all and watch how they respond. See how they show love to you. Or take this quiz with them and find out together.
Final Thoughts
Parenting’s not about being perfect. It’s about being present. It’s about learning, trying, and loving in ways that your child can actually feel.
It might feel awkward at first—especially if your love languages don’t match. But with a little effort, a lot of heart, and God’s grace, you’ll get there.
You’re not just raising a child. You’re building a bond. And that kind of love? It lasts a lifetime.
Quick FAQs
Q: How can I find out my child’s love language?
A: Watch how they show love, ask them directly, or take the Five Love Languages quiz designed for kids.
Q: What’s the easiest love language to start with?
A: Words of affirmation. Just start with “I love you.” Say it every day.
Q: Do children’s love languages change?
A: They can shift as your child grows. Keep checking in and stay open to change.
Call to Action:
Have you discovered your child’s love language yet? Drop a comment below—I’d love to hear what works for you! And if you know a parent who needs this encouragement, please share it with them. 💛